crimes of fashion

According to an Associated Press story out of Baton Rouge, a bill that would have made it a crime for people to wear their pants too low in public has been rejected by a panel of the Louisiana state senate. The bill, sponsored by Sen. Derrick Shepherd, would have made it illegal to wear clothing that “intentionally exposes undergarments or … any portion of the pubic hair, cleft of the buttocks or genitals.” Shepherd figures the state should take a stand against droopy trousers, which he calls an example of widespread indecency in today’s fashion. “The shorts are getting shorter, the tops are getting smaller, the cleavage is getting larger,” says Shepherd. “When are we going to say, ‘Enough is enough’?”

Beautiful! You can’t make this stuff up.

And you can’t just let it go by. Because if you start letting people wear droopy pants in public, next thing you know they’ll want clean water and the right to vote. It’s a very saggy, er, slippery, slope.

So, with apologies to whoever wrote the Do your ears hang low? song that we all sang in camp, Spatherdab presents the Do your pants hang low? song.

Ahem.

Do your pants hang low
Do they drag through mud and snow
Do your boxers do the mambo
Does your johnson shout hello
It may be cool to shake your banana
But some prudes in Louisiana
Think saggy pants must go

Do your Y-fronts show
When you sit in the front row
Does the teacher get an eyeful
When you bend to touch your toe
Do your bulging tighty whities
Prompt the boss to send you home
Do your Y-fronts show

Do your briefs ride high
When your fly’s at your mid-thigh
Do they slide down off your belly
And salute your Auntie Nelly
Can you moon your next-door neighbour
With a minimum of labour
Do your briefs ride high

Is your thong on track
Does it rise up from your crack
Can you yank it up your backside
Can you train it to attack
Does it stretch up from beneath
So you can super-floss your teeth
Is your thong on track

Does your ass hang out
When you waggle it about
Do you show your underpants
When you do the latest dance
Do the chicks think you’re a hunk
When you expose your super junk
Do your pants hang low

… Saggy pants must go!